I would totally buy these if they were real posters.
Vader’s shoulder looks a little off in the right image, but still very nice. From this guy at deviantart.com.
Classic Jedi fight night posters
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Tag Archives: Star Wars
Bad kids movies: The case against “The Clone Wars”
This is an article I wrote at a Star Wars collecting forum in September 2008, discussing the release of The Clone Wars animated movie. I’ve been reflecting lately on the quality of what my kids watch and comparing it to what I used to watch. With my kids now coming to better appreciate Star Wars, should I introduce them to The Clone Wars movie and the animated series? Read on!
Kids shows are often written poorly, and the excuse is that kids don’t need good plots, just smarmy messages. And if they aren’t exposed to quality stuff, then they pretty much expect everything is supposed to be that bad, and think of it as normal.
When you consider how many kids (including me) were raised to think so many bad shows from the 70s and 80s are “classics” despite them being essentially just advertising disguised with some minimal plot elements, it shows part of the problem that film goers and TV audiences accept the poor state of film and TV writing as normal. They simply do not know any better.
Which, I suppose, is part of the point. Why would you invest in decent shows and writers if you didn’t have to? Why break away from the formulaic style if people don’t expect anything different?
Yet, then we decry the state of TV, and the horrible films, and the tissue thin plots and barely cognizant themes. People are willing to accept bad film and television, because they just don’t know that there can be anything better. Part of the problem is also Political Conservatism. Kids movies can’t have swear words now, or nudity let alone an intricate story line. Some of the best movies of my childhood have naughty words and boobies.
Childrens’ literature is fine wire to walk. You have to have plots and characters that resonate, and that are understandable, and expose kids to good writing. Reading well, they will be able to have a bar set to shoot for themselves. Same with TV and film. If you hold that bar low, that’s what they’ll shoot for. They may extend beyond it eventually, but the bulk is going to be mediocre at best, and if the bar is set low to begin with, then that is where it will stay.
As far as the animation goes, Pixar and old-school Disney (the original movies up to the early 90′s. None of the direct-to-video sequel garbage, certainly almost none of the new stuff) prove that childrens’ movies can be excellently made on almost all levels. When the possibility for quality is proven, it leaves studios no excuse for sub-standard crap, even if it’s sub-standard crap for kids.
Compare the Pixar movies to the Dreamworks /everyone else releases that inevitably copy them. Both studios ostensibly make kids’ movies, but Pixar produces wholly excellent stuff like clockwork, while Dreamworks’ films are all over the place and are sometimes quite amazingly shitty.
Clone Wars comes from Lucas’ inability to put together a compelling narrative or create characters we can sympathize with. It’s just another example of Lucas losing all track of what made Star Wars great to begin with. That Lucas used the same excuses for Clone Wars as he did for the prequel trilogy, and that the Clone Wars suffers from the same weaknesses as the prequel trilogy, indicates that it’s a failing of a movie as a movie, not just as a childrens‘ movie.
Maybe we all look at the original trilogy through rosy glasses, but I can still watch the first three films and enjoy them, and also the prequel trilogy though I accept some can’t stomach them. The special effects hold up, the lines are more memorable, the pacing is generally better, and it generally just felt… more cohesive. Not some hastily cobbled together mess which turns Star Wars into a horrendous whirling abyss of sulphurous feces. I maintain that the six movies by themselves are great. It’s every other SW movie which is bringing things down – Ewoks, Caravan of Courage, The Holiday Special, and the special editions. Those animated Cartoon Network SW CW cartoons do have some merit, at least for me.
You could argue “Well, you’re an adult. Your opinion doesn’t matter because it was made for kids.”
In conversations about movies, there is nothing that pisses me off more than a statement like this. (Well, if you were to say Keira Knightly is unattractive you’d see me go all Hulk on yo ass). What you’re saying is that if a movie is made for kids, then nobody need bother trying to make it good as long as kids enjoy it.
It’s this attitude that leads to cheap, crappy, mind-numbing, toy-selling Saturday morning cartoons and pure shit movies like “Shark Tale” and “The Country Bears” that have no standards beyond keeping kids still for 90 minutes.
Anyone setting out to make a kids movie should be aiming for Pixar/”The Iron Giant” quality. If you don’t get there, at least you tried. But the people who make kids movies without any ambition toward doing quality work that stands up to scrutiny are just out to make money off the fact that most parents have very low standards for their children’s entertainment.
Of course, in a world where “reality” shows and talent competitions dominate pop culture, these same parents clearly have low standards for their own entertainment too.
The point is, kids are not dumb, and adults shouldn’t underestimate their intellect. Being a “kid’s movie” is no excuse for lazy movie-making, something Pixar has proven over and over again. Dreamworks frankly just doesn’t “get it” – they think the key to success is running formulaic franchises into the ground (Shrek 3 anyone?). But Pixar enjoys massive commercial and artistic success by purposely avoiding formula, being inventive and original and talking to kids like real people (something Walt Disney used to do). I find it difficult to truly classify their movies as “kid’s films”, because actually, they’re not – they’re just great films that also happen to be very kid-friendly. Maybe that’s the example Dreamworks and Lucas should follow.
As for George Lucas, I give him all the credit in the world for being a great visionary and bringing the original Star Wars to life. At the same time, it’s very clear he’s lost his way these last 20 years, and he’s only a shadow of the artist he once was. In a funny way, the independence he so boldly sought was his undoing once it was granted.
Palpatine: a guide on turning a republic into a dictatorship
I’ve been watching the Star Wars saga with the kids over the last couple weeks, starting with A New Hope through to Return of the Jedi, and starting again with The Phantom Menace through to Revenge of the Sith. You know, the way the maker intended.
Seeing them all one after the other has been very entertaining and refreshing, and has reinforced the reasons I love Star Wars.
Let’s get this straight: Star Wars is the story of Anakin Skywalker. Sure, there’s lots of other characters including heroes and villains. Even the most obscure characters have their own legion of fans, for instance Bespin’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-him “Ice Cream Maker Guy”. But take away Anakin Skywalker (and therefore Darth Vader) and you have nothing. Star Wars would be a mere shell of a story with no real beginning, no middle and certainly no ending.
But, worthy of mention and indeed of study is the story of the rise of Emperor Palpatine, including the downfall of the Republic and the inception of the First Galactic Empire. As we shall see, Palpatine applied some very simple rules in order not just take power, but to have the power given to him.
Two books I read a while ago and still own are “None Dare Call It Conspiracy
1) The events overwhelmed them, and could not have been prevented; or
2) The events were allowed to occur because the officials wanted them to occur.
Granted, Palpatine and the Galactic Empire are fictitious but the methods he used in his rise to power aren’t completely unbelievable. Epperson quotes a 1951 book by Jan Kozak, who details a five part program to seize control of a government, and illustrates how a slight variation of this program was used by Adolf Hitler. Yes, I Godwinned my own article.
The program goes like this:
1) The first step consisted of having the conspiracy’s own people infiltrate the government (the “pressure from above”)
2) The second step was to create a real or alleged grievance, usually through either an action of government of through some situation where the government should have acted but didn’t
3) The third step consisted in having a mob created by the real or alleged grievance that the government or the conspiracy caused demand that the problem be solved by a governmental action (the “pressure from below”)
4) The fourth step consisted in having the conspirators in the government remedy the real or alleged situation with some oppressive legislation.
5) the fifth step is a repeat of the last three.
Examining the first three movies of the Star Wars Saga, we know that Palpatine started off as a Senator in the Galactic Republic, representing Naboo. He was careful not to advance his career too quickly, content to be seen as a petty and small provincial and mostly flying under the radar. The first step of infiltrating the existing government had been achieved.
Palpatine used his Sith Lord alter ego, Darth Sidious, to create a crisis between the Trade Federation and his home planet of Naboo. Revealing himself as a Sith Lord to the Nemoidians, and making it quite clear that he held some power over the Senate, he orchestrated a blockade and invasion of Naboo requiring intervention. Step two, the real or alleged grievance, was in play.
This is where Palpatine’s path from the described method varies a little. As we see in The Phantom Menace, Sidious was surprised and disappointed that the Jedi were involved so quickly by Chancellor Valorum in this struggle and it upset his plans. Knowing how the Senate operated and that they would be bogged down in negotiations, innuendo and bickering about the allegations against the Trade Federation, he manipulated the young Queen Amidala into moving for a Vote of No Confidence in Chancellor Valorum. Unfortunately for Palpatine, Amidala ultimately succeeded in taking back control of Naboo, and he’d lost his apprentice, Darth Maul, to the Jedi but by the end of The Phantom Menace, Palpatine had succeeded in replacing Valorum as Chancellor.
If Palpatine was going to take control of the entire galaxy, he needed a way to enforce the control. But the Republic had never possessed or needed an army. He needed a way to get this army, so as Darth Sidious and with the aid of his new apprentice Count Dooku he created a Separatist Movement. Dooku united several commercial organizations and star systems to revolt and form a Confederacy. These pledged their armies to Dooku, and made the Confederacy a threat able to overthrow the Republic which would never allow the creation of their own army. Simple-minded Jar Jar Binks was manipulated into moving for a vote to give emergency powers to Palpatine, which Palpatine “reluctantly” agreed to. His first act with this new authority was to “create a Grand Army of the Republic to counter the increasing threats of the Separatists”. This army had already conveniently been created on Kamino. The third step in subverting the government was complete: the senate begged Palpatine to solve the Separatist threat (the real or alleged grievance) by governmental action.
The fourth step was to conduct the Clone Wars, playing both sides. Eventually the army was told to execute “Order 66″, a secret command to exterminate the Jedi. Remember, the Clones were loyal to Palpatine, not the Republic. He rinsed and repeated the steps to create the First Galactic Empire to the thunderous applause of the Senate after demonstrating that the Jedi were the enemy. He used a variation on these steps to seduce Anakin to the Dark side, offering his knowledge to allow Anakin to save Amidala’s life. He used his new apprentice Darth Vader to assassinate the Separatist leadership to bring peace to the galaxy. Of course Palpatine could bring peace to the galaxy, since he was the one who created the strife! In A New Hope, the Emperor dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic had been swept away. The Galaxy was under control of the Sith with Darth Vader and the Imperial Navy/Army as enforcer and Palpatine alone on the Emperor’s throne.
Could this happen in our own country? In our own workplace? Perhaps in our own families? Has it already happened? Keep your eyes open and see who has the most to gain from strife and why people ally themselves the way they do. Why do these events continually happen? Cue Mr X from the Oliver Stone movie, “JFK”:
That’s the real question, isn’t it – “Why?” – the “how” is just “scenery” for the suckers … Oswald, Ruby, Cuba, Mafia, it keeps people guessing like a parlor game, but it prevents them from asking the most important question – Why? Why was Kennedy killed? Who benefitted? Who has the power to cover it up? …
I am your father
I’ve finally managed to get my kids excited about Star Wars. It’s been a game, somewhat, where I mention anything remotely related to Star Wars and the kids are immediately resistant, rolling their eyes or ridiculing me for bringing the subject up. But after watching Episode IV a few weeks ago, they’ve been enthusiastic about watching the rest of them. “Can we watch another Star Wars movie for Family Movie Night this weekend?” they’ll ask.
Ashton knows most of the major characters, but Jett is still learning. So far his favourite is Luke Skywalker from the original trilogy, and has been rather dismayed that he hasn’t made an appearance in Episodes I or II.
Jett is so excited about Star Wars, in fact, that he requested that he be dressed as Luke Skywalker for Book Week, a festival where Australian schools promote and celebrate book reading. At our school, they’re encouraged to come along one day in fancy dress as one of their favourite characters. It’s cheating, I know, since Luke Skywalker is more of a movie character than a book character but I don’t think the teachers or other kids are all that picky.
Luke Skywalker, as he appeared in Return of the Jedi, was fairly easy to put together with what we had on hand: black pants, black long sleeved top, black shoes and a black scarf around his midsection as a belt. All we had to invest in was a lightsaber, which he made good use of in the fight scenes when we watched Return of the Jedi, The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones.
I was also able locate one of my prized Darth Vader action figures to show the kids. It was released a few years ago to celebrate Father’s Day.
This weekend we’ll do Revenge of the Sith, the final link in the story of Anakin Skywalker succumbing to the dark side and falling under the influence of the Emperor. I’m still trying to educate the kids about the political story behind the Emperor’s rise to power (that may be the subject of a future blog post) but for now they’re happy with watching the special effects, lightsaber duels and shtick of Jar Jar Binks.
Related articles
- Star Wars: Return of the Jedi Deleted Scene (techeblog.com)
- Deleted “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi” scene (cmock127.blogspot.com)
I’ve got a bad feeling about this: a list of repeated lines in Star Wars
Here’s a list of dialog we hear more than once in the Star Wars Saga
The Star Wars Saga
“May the Force be with you”
- General Dodonna
, during the briefing in A New Hope
- Han Solo
, in the Yavin hangar in A New Hope
- Luke Skywalker
, to Lando and Chewbacca departing from the medical frigate at the end of The Empire Strikes Back
- Admiral Ackbar
says “May the Force be with us, on the bridge of the rebel starcruiser in Return of the Jedi
- Qui-Gon Jinn
, to Anakin Skywalker before the start of the Pod Race in The Phantom Menace
- Mace Windu
and Yoda, in the Jedi Council Chambers after discussing the possible discovery of a Sith Lord in The Phantom Menace
- Yoda
to Qui-Gon, after instructing him to go to Naboo to find the identity of the “dark warrior” encountered on Tatooine in The Phantom Menace
- Obi-Wan Kenobi
and Anakin Skywalker to each other, after Anakin is given the assignment to accompany Padme to Naboo in Attack of the Clones
- Yoda to Obi-Wan, after discovering that files have been erased from the archives in Attack of the Clones
- Mace Windu says “May the Force be with us all” to the Jedi Council after roles are assigned for the coming battles in Revenge of the Sith
- Yoda to Mace and Obi-Wan aboard the Jedi Gunship in Revenge of the Sith
- Anakin Skywalker
and Obi-Wan to each other, before parting to their assignments on the landing platform in Revenge of the Sith
- Yoda and Obi-wan to each other before parting ways to confront Darth Sidious and Darth Vader in Revenge of the Sith
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this”
- Luke Skywalker upon Obi-Wan Kenobi revealing that they weren’t heading to a small moon but to a space station in A New Hope
- Han Solo, in the trash compactor when Luke Skywalker is released by the Dianoga in A New Hope
- Princess Leia, inside the cave on the asteroid in The Empire Strikes Back
- C-3PO to R2-D2, before being ushered into Jabba’s Palace by Bib Fortuna in Return of the Jedi
- Han Solo, while being placed on top of the Ewok barbecue in Return of the Jedi
- Obi-Wan Kenobi, while waiting to be met by the Trade Federation delegates in The Phantom Menace
- Obi-Wan, while being shat at by Zam Wesell in Attack of the Clones
- Anakin Skywalker, when confronted with three monsters in the execution arena in Attack of the Clones
- Obi-Wan, during the battle above Coruscant in Revenge of the Sith
“A disturbance in the Force”
- Obi-Wan Kenobi, sensing that Alderaan has been destroyed in A New Hope
- The Emperor, while communicating with Darth Vader aboard the Executor in The Empire Strikes Back
- Qi-Gon Jinn, sensing all is not well before boarding the Trade Federation battleship in The Phantom Menace
- Yoda to Mace Windu, while discussing the attack on the Naboo Senator in Attack of the Clones
“We’re Doomed!”
- C-3PO, aboard the Tantive IV in A New Hope
- C-3PO, while escaping the giant space slug aboard the Millennium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back
- C-3PO, on learning that he and Artoo are to be given as gifts to Jabba the Hutt in Return of the Jedi
“It’s not my fault!”
- Han Solo, twice to Princess Leia after finding that the Millennium Falcon will not make the jump to lightspeed to escape the Imperial Star Destroyers in The Empire Strike Back
- Lando Calrissian, to Princess Leia after finding that the Millennium Falcon will not make the jump to lightspeed to escape the Imperial Star Destroyers in The Empire Strike Back
- Han Solo, explaining to Jabba the Hutt that he got a little side tracked while on the way to pay him back in Return of the Jedi
“I’m going to regret this”
- C-3PO when boarding the escape pod in A New Hope
- Leia, “You’re going to regret this” to Jabba the Hutt before he kisses her in Return of the Jedi
“I love you.” “I know.”
- Han Solo to Princess Leia before being frozen in carbonite in The Empire Strikes Back
- Leia to Solo while being cornered by Imperial troops at the Endor bunker in Return of the Jedi
“Not entirely stable”
- C-3PO, “Sir, it’s quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable” to Han Solo while in the asteroid cave in The Empire Strikes Back
- C-3PO, “I’m not sure this floor is entirely stable” while being introduced by Anakin to Padme in The Phantom Menace
“Where the fun begins”
- Han Solo, “Here’s where the fun begins!” after taking off from Tatooine in A New Hope
- Anakin Skywalker, “This is where the fun begins.” during the battle above Coruscant in Revenge of the Sith
“You assume too much”
- Nute Gunray to Padme Amidala in The Phantom Menace
- Padme to Qui-Gon in The Phantom Menace
AT-AT Wallpapers part two
Here’s the balance of my AT-AT wallpaper folder. Serving as the “head” of the mechanical walker was a movable command section containing the command cockpit, with room for the commander, pilot, and gunner. The command section housed all of the AT-AT’s weapon systems, as well as holographic targeting systems allowing the gunners a 360-degree view of their position. The cockpit was also equipped with a holographic projector for purposes of external communication. Forward visualization was supplied by a glowing red command viewport. The head could rotate as much as ninety degrees right or left and thirty degrees up or down for an expansive field of fire. Positioned above and below the command section was the walker’s sensor array and blaster cannon energizer, respectively.
AT-AT Wallpapers part one
Here’s a collection of AT-AT, or Imperial Walker, wallpapers and HR images for your enjoyment. Hover over each image to find a size right for you. The AT-AT walker was a behemoth of a war machine, standing at a height of 22.5 meters. The quadrupedal walker closely resembled ancient beasts of war, or even a giant legendary beast from the dark side of the Force. Designed for the dual purpose of crushing and demoralizing enemy forces, and also serving as a transport for Imperial troops and light vehicles, the AT-AT was unsurpassed as the most awesome vehicle in the Imperial Army inventory. Its intimidating and powerful presence often earned it the distinction of being the first vehicle into a combat zone.
I liken it to the Soviet Mil Mi-24 helicopter: big, boofy, intimidating, well armed and armoured. It’s a kick-ass gunship, and has room to carry 8 troops for an air assault. If you see either of these things heading towards you, you know you’re going to have a bad day.
Anyhow, back to the AT-ATs. General Veers, prepare your men.
I wish I had an XS body
My experience being interviewed by a six year old kid
A friend of mine named Trish and her husband Glen, both of whom I used to work with during the Dark Times at iiNet, got in touch with my wife the other day. They’ve got young kids who are just fascinated with Star Wars, and they’re driving their parents mad with questions. Not being Star Wars fans themselves, they don’t know the answers but they told their kids they know someone who may have the answers they seek by the name of Mr Hoover. They’ve been bugging Trish if they can go and see this mysterious Mr Hoover and ask him questions. So Trish asked Suzanne if I’d be up for a Skype call so the kids could meet Mr Hoover face to face.
So last Saturday Trish and her two kids Skyped Suzanne and asked me to join. The kids were very well behaved, very courteous and had very good questions. I told them “dispense with the pleasantries”, and instead of Mr Hoover they could simply call me Brian. It turns out they haven’t actually seen all the movies yet, just the first half of Episode 4. Trish’s reasoning is that Empire Strikes Back is a bit “darker” and more violent, too much for six and four year olds. That’s her call, and fair enough. But what they have seen has pretty much captured and focussed their little minds to the point where they, and perhaps their parents, would respond to counselling if what Trish tells me is true. I’ve seen a couple facebook updates from her and wondered what they were about.
We had a couple quick fire questions about who their favourite characters are. They haven’t made that judgement yet, because they haven’t seen all the characters. I found this to be a very mature position to take for a six year old. They asked me who my favourite was. I explained that Star Wars is the story of Darth Vader, and that every other character exists only to tell his story. They thought this was pretty cool. They’d heard rumours that I had mountains of toys, and asked to see some. I told them that we are in the middle of moving and they are in storage, but they could see some of them at my web site, DarthVaderFigures.com. They got Trish to bring it up in a browser, and I could see them marveling at what they saw. I said that I’d been collecting Star Wars toys since I was about their age, so I had quite a few. They liked this idea and I could see their minds ticking over.
The kids told me that they were too young to see the rest of the movies, and that they’d have to wait another 3-4 years before they could see Empire and Jedi and the others. I conceded that their mum probably knows what is best for them and said that they would have great fun in finding more characters and seeing the story unfold when they did get to see the movies. They already knew enough to watch them in the right order, 4-5-6 and then 1-2-3. I could see them coveting my toys, so they know what to ask for this Christmas. I told them that it was also a good day to talk because Empire Strikes Back was released 30 years ago almost to the day that we were speaking. Wow!
One parting shot I took was to explain that we used to call Trish “Darth Vader” at work because we’d all scurry away in fear when we heard her stomping down the corridors, the same way the Stormtroopers and Imperial Officers would quake with fear when they heard Vader coming towards them. Trish said that she already told them about the name, but I’m sure she didn’t fully explain the reasons haha.
It was a pretty entertaining interview, in all, and reminded me about why I like Star Wars and collecting. It “lets the kid out”. It’s fun, imaginative and also enriching to discover the stories behind the characters.
30th Anniversaries this week
Wow, I haven’t been paying attention and these kinda snuck up on me. Pacman turns 30 today! Pacman was developed by Namco and released in Japan on 22-May-1980. Wow, has it been that long? I don’t want to consider how may 20s I dropped into coin-ops in the early 80s playing it, avoiding Pinky, Inky, Blinky and Clyde. Pacman came at a time when the most popular arcade games were shooters like Space Invaders and Asteroids, so it came as a welcome non-violent alternative and grew in popularity. Everything about the game was cool: the high-contrast colours, the wocka-wocka sounds, the intro music… it really was the perfect game for it’s time. To celebrate, Google even changed their header logo into a playable version of Pacman for the day. You’ve got to be in Classic Google mode, not iGoogle. I remember saving all my pocket money to buy this on the Atari, but was so disappointed to find that it really sucked.
Another 30th anniversary this week was the release of The Empire Strikes Back. After being blown away by Star Wars three years earlier, it came as a surprise to me that there was another movie released. Remember, these are the days before the Internet and discussions forums, preview web sites and such. I didn’t know about it until it actually came out in Australia, which was a few months after the US release and even then I don’t think I saw it until a few weeks after than. Empire is still the best of the movies. I might see if I can fit it in sometime this weekend, perhaps on VHS for the low-fi experience, the way George Lucas intended.
Meanwhile, here’s a Periodic Table of The Empire Strikes Back.
Click for larger version