Spam/Wife, it’s all the same: I get no respect

Suzanne has been forwarding me job postings from employment web sites lately. In one of my increasingly rare appearances on Facebook a couple days ago, I posted this image:

Suzanne That’s a pretty funny image you posted the other day.

Brian Haha, yeah I thought you’d like it.

Suzanne You know it’s not entirely true though.

Brian Well, yeah I know.

Suzanne I’ve never sent you emails about losing weight!

Brian …

Suzanne …

Brian I’m so defriending you on Facebook.


Directed by M. Night Shyamalan


Boy: hey
Girl doesn’t say anything
Boy: I really like you
Girl doesn’t say anything
Boy: OK, I love you
Girl still isn’t saying anything
Boy: and I never want to let you go
Girl remains silent…
Boy kisses girl
Boy eats girl
Girl was doritos the whole time


Sound FX


Ever since someone pointed it out to me, I can’t stop hearing Pac Man when I scratch the inside of my ear.

Facebook Slacktivism

OK, here we go:

Shhhhhh!!!! Ok pretty ladies, it’s that time of year again, in support of breast cancer awareness!! So we all remember last years game of writing your bra color as your status?…..or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Remember last year so many people took part that it made national news and, the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we’re doing this and helped raise awareness!! Do NOT tell any males what the status’ mean, keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message )this to all your female friends to see if we can make a bigger fuss this year than last year!!! I did my part… now YOUR turn ! Go on ladies…and let’s have all the males guessing! .. It’s time to confuse the men again (not that its really that hard to do ) Everyone knows it makes their brains work wonders on what we’re talkin about!! The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the GIRLS ONLY and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went round all over the world.
So you’ll write… I’m (your birth month) weeks and I’m craving (your birth date)!!! as your status. Example: Feb 14th: I’m 2 weeks and craving Chocolate mints!!

January-1week, Febuary-2 weeks, March-3 weeks, April-4 weeks, May-8 weeks, June-9 weeks, July-10 weeks, August-12 weeks, September-13 weeks, October-14 weeks, November-16 weeks, December-18 weeks.

Days of the month: 1-Skittles, 2-Starburst, 3-Kit-Kat, 4-M&M’s, 5-Galaxy, 6-Crunchie, 7-Dairy Milk, 8-Lollipop, 9-Peanut Butter Cups, 10-Meat Balls, 11-Twizzlers, 12-Bubble Gum, 13-Hershey’s Kisses, 14-Chocolate Mints, 15-Twix, 16-Resse’s Fastbreak, 17-Fudge, 18-Cherry Jello, 19-Milkyway, 20-Pickels, 21-Creme Eggs, 22-Skittles, 23-Gummy Bears, 24-Gummy Worms, 25-Strawberry Pop Tarts, 26-Starburst, 27-Mini Eggs, 28-Kit-Kat Chunky, 29-Double Chocolate Chip Crunchy Cookies, 30-Smarties, 31-Chocolate Cake

Let’s raise Breast Cancer awareness, girls!!!

But don’t let people know what you want them to be aware of or even that they’re supposed to be aware of anything at all.  I mean how do they expect this to work? At best a guy will see the status and go “What the hell are you on about?” and the girl will say “It’s a secret!” At that point the guy will cease giving a shit, trust me.

But I know the answer already. It’s not supposed to work. It’s just an excuse for some people to act dumb by pretending to do something important. No, they don’t really do any “harm”. But these people do it so they can give themselves a pat on the back because “Hey I just raised awareness of <disease that everyone knows about anyway>, good for me. Donate actual money? Screw that. Did you see my Facebook? I posted my shoe size and bra color. I did my part.”

These campaigns bug me because they are inadvertently sexualizing cancer. To get attention or “raise awareness” they’re posting comments that are meant to be taken as innuendo. Because of where the cancer occurs, there’s this inability to disconnect between a potentially fatal disease and “LOL Boobs“.

And really, what the hell does “raising awareness” do at this point? Is there anyone left who doesn’t know how widespread and dangerous breast cancer is? Are they suddenly going to donate because they read a status from a Facebook friend where she implied she was pregnant? What do pregnancy cravings and birthdays have to do with breast cancer?

It’s kind of a sore spot with me.

The unholy stench under the kitchen sink

Our 6-month maintenance has finally come around. This is where the builder of your new home contacts you and asks if there’s any new issues such as cracked walls etc. We have a couple:

  • Water doesn’t want to drain from our shower, sometimes. This probably means that the pipe has collapsed and is filling with sand. It occasionally gets washed away because the water sometimes does drain.
  • The front door seems to be sagging, so the locks are difficult to operate because the bolt doesn’t line up with the recess and the door tends to stick. This can make it difficult to open the door in the winter because it’s usually dark and nobody thinks to leave the light on for me when I come home from work.

There’s a few minor things, too, which aren’t worth mentioning. I’m happy with the brick- and plaster-work because I haven’t found any cracks in the walls so far. Man, our previous house looked like it was on a fault line because there were so many cracks.

Bu there was one minor issue which we thought we’d let the builder know about. From day one there seemed to be this strange, sour smell coming from under the kitchen sink. We’d take out the pots and pans to take a look, but never found anything. We’d take them out again a few days later to scrub it all down with cleaning agents to try and mask the smell. We’re both pretty easy going about things, but this was really driving me nuts. Since we couldn’t find anything obvious we concluded one of two things: it was either the glues used to stick the benchwork together, or tradesman had left his lunch underneath one of the panels and it had been sealed in. Either way there was nothing we could do.

We thought we’d throw it into the 6-month maintenance to see what the builders could do with it. We might be lucky. To give someone in their office a laugh we described the problem as:

  • Unholy Stench emanating from underneath kitchen sink

Indeed, when the maintenance guy called back he went through each of the points one by one saving this one for last. “In all my time as a maintenance guy, I’ve never had to deal with anything like a “Unholy Stench” before”. This had been passed around the office, he said, and everyone had had a good laugh. He knew exactly what it was right away, and it is easily fixed but he was surprised that hwe had put up with this Unholy Stench for 6 full months. What can I say? We really had no way of knowing what it was or how to fix it, so we thought we could manage and get by.

Anyhow, it’s all working out in the end.

Dog maths

Been busy painting my house for the last few nights and I don’t have much queued up in the blogmatic pipeline. In the next few days/weeks or whenever I get around to it: “Why we need Wikileaks”, “Are we slavemasters at heart?”, and “Why the baby boomers would kick Gen-Xs and Gen-Ys collective arses in a Generation War”. But here’s a little mathematics joke for ya in the meantime.

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.

“So,” says the farmer. “How many sheep were there?”

“40,” replies the dog.

“How can there be 40?” exclaims the farmer. “I only bought 38!”

“I know,” says the dog. “But I rounded them up.”