I’m not into manscaping

We’ve moved into our new house, and by design we have a longer than usual bench in the bathroom, along with a matching mirror. We’ve only got one shared sink, but we each have two cupboards and three drawers in which to put our “stuff”.

A complete list of my “stuff” is as follows:

  1. A toothbrush.
  2. Two sets of electric hair clippers.
  3. A bottle of Lynx aftershave.
  4. A bottle of Nutrimetics aftershave.
  5. Mach3 razor.
  6. A can of Lynx deodorant.
  7. A can of Rexona deodorant.
  8. A comb. I’m pretty sure this came with the clippers.

Of course there are a couple shared items like toothpaste and soap which my wife and I both use, but I’m not going to count those.

Having two sets of electric hair clippers is, I admit, pretty excessive but I just can’t bring myself to throw out the older set since they come in handy for trimming my goatee. Also, I normally would only have one can of deodorant but I’ve found one of them actually turns out to be “odorant”. I wore this a couple times before I figured out that it was the Lynx causing me to smell like an unwashed jock-strap by the end of the day. Seriously, I cleared out an entire train carriage by myself with this ugly stench. Hence the Rexona.

I don’t have the time to document each and every item on Suzanne’s side of the bench. But I can tell you that at this very moment there are more than 50 separate items. For every body part (face, hand, foot and the more general “skin”) there are different scrubs, cleaners, toners and more general “lotions”. Thats at least 16 items right there.

Then there’s the hair care products like sprays, straighteners and curlers, driers and hydrators. Throw in the perfumes (nice “odorants”), the deodorants and the, ahem, women’s sanitary products and you’ve got a set of fairly bursting drawers and cupboards contrasting my own near-empty drawers.

Which raises the question: do I have enough “stuff”? Should I have more of these things for myself? Should I submit to a manscaping session and queer myself up with hair, skin and facial product? I’m a fairly down to earth guy and have so far shunned this metrosexual lifestyle, but perhaps it’s time to get into it and maintain my youthful good looks. It seemed to work for Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.